Thursday, January 18, 2018
Blog Page 10

Causes of stress and problems

 

All of us are leading a life full of stress and problems. We can’t stop blaming it on our work, our colleagues, our bosses, the deadlines, our family or our unsupportive partners, whatsoever. Ever wondered, what the real reason behind these problems and the resulting stress is? Here I’m, with a short story which worked as an eye-opener for me. Hope it helps you too. Read on.

Once, a group of highly established friends decided to meet one of their professors from the university. So, they all went together one day to meet this professor at his place.

When they met, all of them started to talk about their lives and their work. But soon this talk session turned into a complaining session and everyone started complaining about the stress and problems in their life.

After a while, the professor went into the kitchen to make coffee for them. He returned with a large pot of coffee and a variety of cups made of different material (plastic, glass, porcelain, steel etc.). He placed the coffee pot on the table and asked his students to help themselves with pouring the coffee. After all the students had a cup in their hand, the professor said, “If you all notice, you will see that all the expensive looking cups are taken away by you leaving behind the cheap/plain looking cups on the table. It is normal for all of you to want the best for yourselves but amidst all of this you are not able to see the source of all your problems and stress.”

He continued, “You all know that the cup itself adds no quality to the taste of the coffee. Still you went for the expensive looking cups and started eyeing each other’s cups.”

What do we learn from this story?

Life is like coffee and all other things like job, money, promotion, position in society are like cups. Job or money is not something that defines our life or change the quality of our life. Still we concentrate only on that and fail to enjoy our lives.

Hence, the reason behind our stress or problems is none other than – our own perception towards life. We find happiness in material things. Doing this, we forget to live in the moment. We waste the present working towards a wealthier future. The urge to succeed creates stress, the urge to be better than others creates stress, the urge to create a name in the society is what creates stress.

Not saying that one shouldn’t have a constructive outlook towards life. But compromising with the peace of mind today is not going to make the tomorrow happier. Be happy today and the tomorrow will be happier.

Peace of mind is what matters.

Are our beliefs holding us back?

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Each one of us has a set of beliefs that have been conditioned into our mind since our childhood. Some were taught to us by our parents, our teachers and some were learned by us through observation. But little do we realise, that some of our beliefs are actually holding us back. There is a short story that depicts this beautifully. Read on to find out.

There was a man who was passing by the elephants. He suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg – no chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and not attempted to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life, hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? We couldn’t do so many things when we were kids. But holding onto the fact that the same things cannot be accomplished by us even now, would be a huge mistake. We are all capable of doing whatever we want. The only thing holding us back is – OUR OWN SELF.

Let today be the day, you give up who you have been for who you can become. Let go of all the negative beliefs, emotions, things and people which are holding you back in life.

“Don’t let the leash of a limiting belief hold you back from getting what you want in life.” Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind, be led by the dreams in your heart.

The sky is not the limit, your belief system is! The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it. Our beliefs have the power to lead our life into either of the two directions – life affirming or life denying.

So, are your beliefs holding you back? Let them go. Realise your true beliefs, eliminate the ones holding you back. Hold onto the life affirming ones and work on them. Don’t let something worthless ruin what is worthwhile.

Make smart choices. The beliefs you are emotionally attached to, might be stopping you from achieving what you are truly worth. Control your emotions, don’t let your emotions control your life.

Always remember, what is holding you back? It is always a thought that something is holding you back!

Add the best; Drop the worst

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How awesome would it be if we could just identify our good habits and work on maintaining them for years to come? It would transform our lives! Isn’t it? Similarly, how tremendous would it be to get rid of the bad ones! We have been complaining and repenting and crying over them for eternity now. Let me help you with this. Mentioned below are some steps, that would definitely help you in this transformation-

  • Start with choosing one habit that you really really want to add to your life. It can be anything like waking up at 6 am, or working out for one hour daily, or drinking honey & lemon in warm water on an empty stomach, or anything else that will benefit you in the short/long term.
  • Similarly, choose one bad habit that you desperately want to drop. One behaviour / habit that is biting you & holding you back. Anything like drinking too much coffee, or checking Facebook / Instagram more than once or twice a day, or sleeping for more than 7 hours a day, which is affecting your productivity or health or both.
  • Define these habits and choose clear boundaries. For instance, don’t choose being more physically fit as your good habit or sleeping till late as a bad one. There is no clear meaning to these. They come out to be vague.
  • Be specific. Choose a good habit like – working out for 1 hour daily and a bad habit like – not waking up at 6:00 am. These are specific, have clear boundaries and are easy to measure their progress. Either you work out for 1 hour or you don’t work out at all. Either you wake up at 6:00 am or you don’t. There are no grey areas in it. Its’ clear! It is either a success or a failure. Remember, 6:00 am means 6:00 am. Even 6:01 am would be a failure.
  • Try to choose related habits. There are habits which are inter-linked to each other. For example, not drinking coffee and drinking 8 glasses of water are linked. You eliminate one and you replace it with another. This makes this process of transformation a little bit easier.
  • Stick to this routine for one month. Call it a trial. If you don’t see any betterment, you can give it up. If you like it, you can work on more of your good/bad habits in a similar way. Undoubtedly, this is going to add value to your life.

 

I would like to conclude with this prose I wrote:

It’s time when we start working on our habits,

The transformation process isn’t automatic.

Choose the habit you don’t like at all,

Also, the ones that you adore.

Because, time will never be ripe,

NOW – is the time to change what’s not your type.

 

So, go ahead. Make your choices, now!

How to stop being lazy : simple habits

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                                                                        How soon ‘not now’ becomes ‘never’.”
                                                                                                       -Martin Luther

We all like to laze around. Either it is getting our school/college work done, doing the household chores, working out or taking care of our personal health, we all have been there. There is nothing bad in doing much at all, but we should learn to keep that lazy time to a moderate and healthy amount instead of letting it hold us back and stuck in the same place of excuses for years.

 

  • Start small.

The hardest thing is to get started. Why so? Because we feel that big tasks require big efforts to be taken. The bigger the effort, the greater would be the resistance. So make that as easy as you can to reduce the inner resistance and to actually take action. Start with just taking a small step forward. When we start slow, it builds the momentum and keeps us going.

 

  • Do the most important thing first thing in the morning.

Our energy level is at peak in the morning. By doing the thing that matters the most first thing in the morning, we are making judicious use of our energy. Rather than checking emails or social media apps, start your day by doing the most important thing. By doing so you set a good tone for your day and you’ll be a lot more motivated to keep going on that path during the rest of your day.

 

  • Fully focused work-fully lazy break-fully focused work-fully lazy break…

Lighten up your daily work by injecting small breaks between slots of fully focused work. Breaks and work go hand in hand. Don’t exhaust yourself by working continuously for 3-4 hours. Nor waste your time and energy trying to work half-heartedly. Work for 25 minutes with full concentration and then then laze around for 5 minutes. Or allot 50 minutes for focused work and 10 minutes for rest. By breaking down your hours like this the work seems less daunting. And you’ll feel energetic and motivated longer and do work of better quality if you allow yourself these pauses of rest and time to lazy around.

 

  • Shut down distractions temporarily.

Turn off all the escape routes that you might take while you are working to avoid procrastination. For example- your smartphone. Switch it to silent mode so that any notification that pops up doesn’t distract you. Block facebook or other social media sites on you computer to stay focussed.

 

  • Draw motivation and energy from others.

If the people you hang out the most with are generally a bit lazy about work then it’s easy to just adapt to that mood and way of thinking and go with it. It is rightly said, “We are the average of the 5 people we spend most of our time with.” Spend more time with motivated people in real life and via books, the internet and audio books and that will start to influence your thinking and mood too.

 

  • Enjoy your breaks, fully.

Time spent on just lazying around helps us to relax and recharge and it makes us happy. a moderate amount spending some time on being lazy is truly beneficial for us. When we spend our lazy time in more conscious way we are more motivated and energized to go back to work again later on. So, make sure to appreciate and fully enjoy the lazy time you have and create for yourself because you know that it will benefit you in several important ways.

25 motivating quotes on success

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We all want success! But how do we get it?

By being motivated.

So, I’m sharing some timeless advices that were as helpful 2000 years ago as they are now.Presenting to you 25 thought-provoking, motivating and useful quotes on success.

  1. “Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.”
    – Zig Ziglar
  2. “Victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat.”
    – Malcolm S. Forbes
  3. “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”
    – Albert Ellis
  4. “You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.”
    – George Lorimer
  5. “Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.”
    – Orison Swett Marden
  6. “Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.”
    – George Bernard Shaw
  7. “Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.”
    – George Sheehan
  8. “Never limit yourself because of others’ limited imagination; never limit others because of your own limited imagination.”
    – Mae Jemison
  9. “In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
    – Theodore Roosevelt
  10. “Life’s real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up.”
    – Unknown
  11. “Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”
    – Conrad Hilton
  12. “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.”
    – Vince Lombardi
  13. “Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.”
    – George S. Patton
  14. “Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and  less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and  stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”
    – Mark Victor Hansen
  15. “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”
    – Zig Ziglar
  16. “Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they  know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much  easier to procrastinate and live on the ‘someday I’ll’ philosophy.”
    – Denis Waitley
  17. “Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven’t planted.”
    – David Bly
  18. “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
    – Mark Twain
  19. Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out.”
    – Robert Collier
  20. “If you are not willing to risk the usual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.”
    – Jim Rohn
  21. “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
    – Martin Luther King, Jr.
  22. “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
    – Winston Churchill
  23. “Don’t let the fear of losing be greater than the excitement of winning.”
    – Robert Kiyosaki
  24. “I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.”
    – Thomas Jefferson
  25. “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”
    – Arthur Ashe

 So, pick your favourite quote, paste it in your workspace and stay motivated throughout!

How to overcome nervousness

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                                           “Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.”

                                                                                                                             -Benjamin Franklin

Nervousness- starts with a tremble or a fidgeting hand. Gradually, the pressure builds and bam! Nervousness is all in the air. Either it is that date you had been long waiting for, that important meeting with boss or college presentation- none of these is untouched of its ‘salutary’ touch or influence.

So, here are some strategies for overcoming nervousness because – hey! Nobody needs it.

 

  • Prepare in advance.

Preparation does matter. Doing the preparation in time and not waiting for the last minute really helps in keeping nervousness at its low. You’ll feel more sure of yourself and relaxed about what you are about to do. If you have a meeting, do some research before hand and keep those facts ready. If you have a date, think of some interesting topics to talk about and if you have an interview, think of some good answers. That’s how it works!

 

  • Figure out the worst-case scenario.

Yes, I talk about it a lot. But figuring this thing out, helps a lot and keeps stress at bay. This helps to calm down and prevents a molehill from becoming a mountain. If you know what worst could happen and how negligible that would be, you won’t be nervous at all!

 

  • Positive visualization.

We visualize things negatively in our mind and as a result, we get nervous. Just visualize the situation unfolding in a positive manner and flowing smoothly. See yourself having a wonderful time and you will be surprised by the outcomes you have. Because we have a dreadful situation in our mind, we encounter nervousness. But on the other hand, if we have a flowery and positive flow of events going on in our mind, it would happen that way.

 

  • People don’t think about you, the way you think about yourself.

Oftentimes, we feel nervous because we think people are judging us of our looks, behaviour or the way we talk. Such build up of consciousness leads to nervousness building up. So, tell yourself- They have their own plate full with doing the same thing as you: focusing on themselves  and being afraid of getting judged by you. Let me tell you, if you think in your mind that the other person already likes you, it will help them like you more easily. So, go ahead with all that confidence and swag!

 

  • Feel excited.

When the nervousness bubbles up, tell yourself that you are excited about the meeting, presentation etc. This helps to change our perspective on what is happening inside of our mind and it helps to get a boost of enthusiasm and openness for a short while. Mind you, energy is contagious! If you go all excited, the other person is going to be at the same level. You gloomy and nervous and you will find the other person reciprocating in the same way.

 

So, keep these tips in mind and you will be more relaxed the next time you have an important event lined up.

Good luck!

Don’t compare your life to somebody else’s life

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                                                            “Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”

In this article, I’m going to discuss a negative habit that creates insecurity within us. Such insecurity is enough to make us lose our self-confidence and lead an unhappy life.

So, what habit is it?

-Comparing our life with someone else’s!

We tend to compare our real life with someone else’s controlled online content; we compare our behind the scenes with someone else’s highlight reel.

What  is the problem, you ask?

-We make the mistake of comparing our chapter-1 to someone else’s chapter-21! We compare our insides with someone else’s outsides. And while doing all this, we forget that there’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time!

Social media these days is training us to compare our lives, instead of appreciating everything we are. No wonder, why everyone is so depressed these days. Everybody compares!We start comparing our life to the lives of friends, old classmates or celebrities of all sizes as each day we see how perfect their homes, kids, love lives are and how filled their lives are with wonderful moments.

But whatever is shown, is it the complete story? I’m afraid, NO.

They don’t put it out in the public because everybody wants a perfect image for themselves. Everybody has their story, a chapter that they don’t read out loud. Everybody has flaws, failure, bad habits. That’s human!

So comparing yourself to someone else is destructive and needs to stop. Embrace originality. Embrace your original self. Here are some tips that might help-

  • Smart comparison.

Instead of comparing yourself to somebody else, compare yourself to yourself. It would help you capture your own growth, let you know how far you’ve come and encourage you to be a better version of yourself each day. Look back and you’ll realize how much you have grown, learned and how your journey has been and how valiantly you have stood against all the setbacks and came out triumphant!

Thats’ a good feeling, isn’t it?

  • Judicious use of time and energy.

Instead of comparing and wasting your valuable energy and time over it, figure out habits that you can develop that would make you a better person. Work on inculcating a good routine and good habits. Work on your own self. Comparison yields depression, whereas this would yield a better YOU!

  • Let go of all the negativity.

If required, unfollow/unfriend that contact on instagram/facebook that drags you down or makes you feel inferior. It might be entertaining but it is lowering your happiness quotient and diminishing your confidence. You don’t need it.

 

Life isn’t just an attractive instagram profile so look beyond that, remember that everyone is human and stop comparing yourself to that limited view of someone.

How to stay calm in negative situation

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One of the very important skills that we need in our life is – to not over-react in tough situations, to be able to keep calm. When we keep calm, we have a lot less stress because we don’t worry over pointless things and we tend to waste a lot lesser time on things that don’t really matter.

So, here are some strategies that’d help you to avoid anger and frustration and would help you to maintain your calm when it is the most required.

 

  • Does this really matter?

Asking the right questions at the right time really helps in keep frustration at bay. Avoid asking yourself any question that makes a little problem pose like a huge one. Right questions help you attain a new perspective and helps manage the situation better.

For instance, ask yourself – will this matter to me after 5 years or even 5 weeks ? If the answer is a NO; then there is no need to waste more than 5 minutes and a lot of your energy over it. Such questions give us a healthier point of view and change our mood instantly.

 

  • Who cares?

Ask yourself this. And you will realise none of your closed one or even you would bother much if a task goes downhill. And if nobody would really care, why do you want to waste your time and energy contemplating that thing! Simple. 😉

 

  • Get a life. Simple.

Are you sitting around idle most of the time? Then it is easier for your to fall prey to negative thoughts. Fill your life with work and people and your tendency to over-react to situations would disappear.

When you have exciting things going around you then you do not waste time and energy over insignificant things and you tend to stay calmer. You ask why? Because you don’t have time for any drama in your life. Therefore, spend less time in analyzing and more time in living life!

 

  • What would someone else do?

This is a fun activity. Ask yourself what would some other person do in such a situation. For example, take someone whose character you are aware of like your best friend, mom, dad, favourite celebrity, boy/girlfriend. Imagine how would they react in such a situation. It takes away stress momentarily. It will not only give you a fresh perspective to your problem but you will be also be able to analyse it from somebody else’s shoes and suggest better and unbiased solutions.

Just doing this can help you to calm down, realize that this isn’t a huge deal and help you to think a bit outside of your own box and find a solution that you can apply.

 

These strategies and tips are surely going to help you stay calmer and chilled out in difficult situations. Instead of snapping out, you would be able to deal with them smartly and mindfully. Try them and you won’t regret!

Wishing you more calm! 😛

Things to stop doing to change a habit

 

                                           “Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
                                                                                                                                            -Jim Rohn

We have been discussing about habits since long. What habits to inculcate and what to give up. But changing a habit is not as easy as it seems. So, to ease things for you, mentioned below are some strategies which will help you stick to your new habits.

  • Accept that it won’t be easy. A common myth says that for a routine to become a habit, you have to do it consistently for 21 days. However, this is not true. Sometimes it might take longer. It might be messier than it appears to be. It might include several attempts also. Enough said, it is not going to be a cake walk. You got to work for it. So, be prepared physically and mentally.
  • Find what suits you. There might be magazines and friends offering tried and tested advices that guarantee sure-shot results. But it isn’t necessary that the same technique would suit you. A certain set of exercises might have helped your friend lose weight. But you have a different body type and the same set of exercises might not benefit you. What i am saying is, don’t copy what your friends or some magazine has to say. Find your fit and work on that routine. Live by your rules.
  • Stop being fooled by the old habit. Stepping out of the comfort zone isn’t easy at all and isn’t welcomed by our mind. The thought of the discomfort and the pain in the transition really holds us back from changing a habit. This is the reason that we stick by our old habits irrespective of however much bad they are. But this is how change works. Your mind will offer resistance. Because it likes what is familiar. And because there were probably also some benefits that you got from your old habit.But you have to accept that you are giving up those benefits for the even better benefits of your new habit.
  • Choose improvement over perfection. When we aim something big, it is natural for us to think that bigger efforts are required to achieve such a big goal. For instance, to lose huge weight, one might consider rigorous workout to be the solution. However, the thought of this ‘rigorous’ workout is what holds one back from working out. Our efforts don’t have to be huge or perfect, they just have to consistence and feasible to keep us going. Even a daily workout of 30 minutes will help lose weight. Small but consistent steps towards the goal ensure improvement. Perfection only holds us back.
  • Don’t create a vacuum in your life. Instead of eliminating a habit altogether, just replace a habit with a newer one. For example, if you want to quit spending time on facebook; replace it with reading a motivational article. If you create a void in the place of older habit, it will be easier for it to return.

 

Continue with these strategies and soon you will find yourself in a loop of newer habits. Habits sure are difficult to change but definitely not impossible!

Smart habits to stay positive

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                                                       “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
                                                                                                                                 -Anais Nin

One of the most important things to work on consciously for our own personal development is to improve our outlook towards life. An attitude that would help us not only look at the world in a positive way during good days. But also to stay positive and constructive even during tough times and keep working towards something better.

In this article, I’m sharing some of the most effective habits to stay positive throughout.

  • Find positive in a negative situation. When you are in a negative situation – maybe you made a mistake, you failed in some kind of way –ask yourself questions like: What is one thing that is good about this situation? What is one opportunity within this situation?Ask these questions instead of telling yourself how much you suck and you will realise how helpful this habit can be.
  • Develop a positive environment around yourself. To be able to stay positive, it is essential to have influences in your life that support you and lift you up instead of dragging you down. Ask yourself: who are the three most negative people in my life? What are the three negative sources of entertainment/information in my life? Figure out answers to these questions and try to eliminate these negative people/sources from your life. This will make space for more positive people/sources in your life.
  • Stop over-thinking. Over-thinking can make a molehill become a big and terrifying mountain in our mind. We lose perspective and negativity surrounds us leading to stress. In such a situation, tell your brain to STOP. Just shout STOP in your brain, take a deep breath and re-focus on the positives of the situation.
  • Figure out the worst-possible situation. A common trap when you want to do one of those things is to get lost in vague fears about what could happen if you actually took action. The worst thing that could realistically happen is usually not as scary as the fear that our mind could produce. Finding clarity helps to stay positive.
  • Take criticism in the right spirit. One of the most common fears is the fear of criticism. It can hold people back from doing what they want in life because being rejected stings bad. Taking a criticism in the right way can really help. Just listen to the criticism and figure out what you can learn from it. Remember, it isn’t always about it. Sometime, people are lashing out because they are having a bad day so don’t let the negativity get under your skin.
  • Start your day in a positive tone. If you start your day lost in future troubles in your mind then the stress, perceived loss of power over your life then negative thoughts will ramp up quickly. Instead have an uplifting conversation with your family or friend or spend some time reading inspiring and helpful articles over breakfast and see how well the day goes.
  • Practise mindfulness. When we get lost in the past or future then worries very easily become bigger. And failures and mistakes from the past being replayed over and over in our mind drag us down into pessimism. Live in the moment. Think of the present, the past is gone and the future is uncertain. Just work to make your present happier and all else will follow.

 

These are habits I find very helpful, I hope these will help you too in more ways than one. Goodluck!